February 18, 2019

For The Next President – Consider this Person too.

On 24 July 2017, the Honorable Thirteenth President of our Republic will be completing five remarkable years in the Rashtrapati Bhavan (Presidential Office). While his personality and administrative record in public office over the years make him eminently qualified for a second term in office, it would be in the interests of democratic process that our nation should witness a robust election to the office of the ‘Head of State’.

And what better opponent to this towering personality than……….our very own comedy king of politics , the man popularly known as Pappu— the one and only RaGa?

Wait, wait! Before you roll all over the floor laughing yourself to a tummy ache – just think of the possibilities unknown, detailed below in no particular order of merit.

  • In 2017, RaGa will be 47 years old. This will allow our country to be at par with the USA in terms of the youngest President, since their 44th President Barak Obama was 47 years old when he took office as President of the United States.
  • Our country can also boast of having our very own fair-skinned, intellectually impaired, dunce of a Prince staying in a big palace, to rival the ones from the English royal family – thereby sending the message that we can also produce the best of dunces.
  • RaGa sports a gleeful, dimpled, happy smile all year around, regardless of circumstances. He also has an astounding lack of information at his fingertips, which is very helpful to a man in a position of absolutely no power.
  • As President, RaGa will happily take part in every ceremonial occasion without fail, except when he makes his secret trips abroad. Then we can all parrot his party’s spokespeople and say that he has gone into “splendid retreat” to think about the global issues facing mankind or some such absolute rubbish.
  • Of course he will have his dimpled smile stuck permanently on his face, thus sending out a global message that our country is indeed a land of milk, honey and happiness. Unless –  he decides not to shave for a few days and grow a beard, in which case he will look like a kid playing the role of a macho-man, and Pakistan will most probably lose a number of its politicians to a new disease called ‘death-by-acute-laughter’.
  • Just think of it, he may even push George ‘Dublya” Bush off from the throne of ‘Stupidest President Ever’.
  • RaGa is known for his impossibly outlandish statements in public forums. Just imagine the world leaders and their teams of advisors going crazy trying to decipher the meanings behind statements like; ‘Poverty is a State-of-Mind’, or ‘Politics is in your shirts, it is in your pants’, or his most famous statement, to wit; “I am a pilot and I read the curriculum which mentioned ‘How to drop mails from plane”?’ Imagine global think-tanks and government security advisors going into night-long meetings to understand the deeper meaning behind such gems of quotes.
  • On the political side, RaGa will make a perfect rubber-stamp President for our Prime Minister Mr. White Beard. Having a President with a ‘weak personality’ is not a new phenomenon for our country. From the First President of India who created and imposed Article 35A of the Constitution without any discussion in the Parliament when Great grand-daddy was Prime Minister, to our Fifth President, who without any debate, discussion or protest, imposed Emergency on our country on the explicit instructions of the then Prime Minister Grand-mommy; RaGa can carry on this proud tradition started and consolidated by his ancestors. Only, with Karma being a bitch; the role of their family will be reversed and RaGa can be the Honorable Rubber Stamp.

While this article is entirely outlandish and invokes ridicule accompanied by uncontrolled laughter, one can always get a Jupiter’s view of this fantastic idea with the help of that “magic white powder” that the contender to the throne is accustomed to and help the observers with a psychedelic view-point on the merits of making RaGa the next President of our great Republic.

Disclaimer: The author of this article has not used any intoxicants during its creation. Any connections to any persons, living or experiencing a high is purely coincidental and can be attributed to lack of pure oxygen on this increasingly polluted climate.

Picture Credit: Target

Author: ‘Sardar’ Sanjay Matkar

Twitter: @sanjaymatkar



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